Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
