My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
