we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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