What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
