You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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