In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
