Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
