Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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