ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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