Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
