mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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