I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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