I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
