he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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