dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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