I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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