She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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