am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
