I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
