the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
