I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
