pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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