their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How does it feel to date your dad?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
