i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
