The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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