Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
