Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I smell stomach acid.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
