Got a toothbrush?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
