and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
