I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
