four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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