I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
