I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
