OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
