I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Liz is crying about burritos again.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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