How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
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