he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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