so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
