While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
