After last night, I could never be a politician.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
