if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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