i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They have beer where we have blood.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
