I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
