Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
