i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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