you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
