Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Never underestimate the power of titties
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
