He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
