She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
