i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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