We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
