I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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