He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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