where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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