So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
