hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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