All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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