What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
