I am in a vortex of obligation.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
