He is an equal opportunity slut.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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