Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
