You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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