Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize