I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
