Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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