I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I faked an abortion last night.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
