Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
