if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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