dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
