So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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