You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Randomize
