hotel room ftw
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
