i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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